I find that documenting significant parts of my life, via the written word, can be very therapeutic to the soul. As I embark on this new journey to parenthood, I’ve decided to enlighten you all with my experiences as a 34 year old woman who is trying to have a baby. And you know, there are so many of us out there. I am just ONE of MANY women going through this wonderful…..and downright fucking shitty experience of trying to conceive a tiny version of yourself. This is my story. Enjoy.
I started trying to have a baby in June 2015. Excited with hope and anticipation, I thought baby-making would be a very simple process…ya know, hit it and quit it. People get pregnant every day by accident and, shit, high schoolers get pregnant just by looking at each other. So I thought, okay I can do this, piece of cake. I am a healthy 33 year old woman with no abnormal family history, so why can’t I get pregnant naturally and normally? Hah. I guess life had other plans for me. Fast forward to one year later, and my uterus was still barren.
So my doctor sends me to a fertility office. My husband and I get tested, and everything comes out mostly normal. With the exception of polycystic-looking ovaries, I was fine. So then they order a saline sonohysterogram and a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test…a simple, minimally invasive procedure where they insert a catheter into your uterus and inject water or dye into your uterus and fallopian tubes. Minimally invasive. Right. Shut the fuck up because it hurt like a sonofabitch. It felt like my uterus was getting stabbed with a dull blade. I pretty much almost fainted due to the pain. I almost gave up on having kids after this shit. You can take ibuprofen one hour before the exam to help with the pain, but I think an elephant tranquilizer would be best. Anyway, moving on…they found a polyp and two fibroid tumors in my uterus. So I get surgery to remove the polyp, but they won’t take out the fibroid tumors because it’s embedded deep in my uterus wall and cutting it out could cause permanent damage to my uterus. They will only remove the fibroids if they grow too large and infiltrate my uterus cavity. And I was told the fibroids would definitely grow once I get pregnant…so effing bitchness what great news.
Now I’m onto the next step…which is taking Clomid (an ovulation drug), a shot of HCG (the pregnancy hormone), and IUI, intrauterine insemination (or as I like to call it, turkey basting). And when I say a shot of HCG…I mean I actually have to inject my own stomach with a fucking needle. Like wtf. I can’t do that shit! Luckily, my husband gave me the injection, in which I feared for my life the entire time. And it WASN’T PAINLESS mind you. Hopefully you’re lucky enough to have a partner that is willing to stab you with a needle too.
Now it’s just a waiting game to see if turkey basting my husband’s sperm into my uterus worked…or if we have to start the cycle all over again. I’ve already spent $2400 total on trying to have a kid…I don’t know how much more I can afford.
And I thought conceiving a baby would be free…well it’s fucking not.