How do you like your eggs in the morning?


We finally implanted an embryo this week.  It feels like we’ve been doing this for YEARS…well, it has been two.  It’s been a freaking long journey, but we made it…and most importantly, I survived.  And this is only the beginning…or potentially…the end.  There is no way I can continue to financially afford doing this, much less want to.  It really takes a toll on your body, physically and mentally.  I give major props to the women who’ve done it four, five times…I don’t know how you do it.

My implantation sexperience was not entirely horrifying.  I’ve done four IUIs, so I’m pretty familiar with the duck-billed metal platypus infiltrating my vag and the catheter going through my cervix and into the uterus.  It’s NOT pleasant…and it can be downright painful.  But, it went fine.  The scary part was when the doctor was trying to transfer the embryo into my uterus.  She/he was a stubborn son of a bitch and refused to come out of the tube.  So they had to restart the process again.  And when they showed the embryo the second time, it looked much different.  I was like, what. the. fuck. did you just damage my kid?!  It mutated into something else!  But the doctor said it was fine, and it only shed the membrane it didn’t need.  Uhhhh…okay.

Funny thing, a lot of people think I’m already pregnant, or that my embryo has been growing this whole time and it’s a month old, ready for college.  No, I think my embryo is at the same “age” as if I got pregnant naturally…and I’m not even pregnant yet.  We have to see if it even attaches to my uterus.  I guess that’s when you officially get pregnant??  Well, we will see.

And now we wait.


If this works out, this would be the very first photo of my baby.  What an adorable bundle of joy…..must take after the father.



Booty Call

Today was the first day of my progesterone shots.  Let me just say, I had an anxiety attack leading up to this moment.  Whoever is injecting you has to be careful not to hit the sciatic nerve or a vein.  If there is blood in the syringe, you have to re-shoot into a different area.


I was utterly terrified that this was going to hurt like a son of a bitch.  But luckily I have a husband who is surprisingly good at shooting things into my ass….so it went okay!  Now, it’s only day one, so I haven’t felt the full effects.  Since this shot is oil based, it’s going to create knots in the muscle areas around the shot site.  Which is why we need to massage the area 15 minutes before AND after the injection.  Great.  Along with these progesterone shots, I will also be doing vaginal progesterone inserts called Endometrin.  Basically, you shove a gigantic fat pill up your peachie and let it dissolve in there.  And every few days I need to….manually clean out the area because it will start to cake up in there, not to mention the daily discharge that will occur.  I’m doing this for 10 weeks people.  10 weeks of shots, 10 weeks of vagina pills, and 10 weeks of constipation.  So fucking great.


If my child doesn’t grow up to be Jesus or the rightful heir to the seven kingdoms, I’m going to be pissed.