So I’ve had four people offer to be my surrogate…FOUR. Like dude, I have a line forming to take the bullet for me and carry my child for nine months and birth it out their own vaginas. Wow. That is such an amazing thing to do for someone. Especially when I’ve been hearing recently how women are dying during childbirth. Who knew you could fucking die from your own amniotic fluid?!??!! And as a surrogate, you would have to undergo IVF…as in all the same shit that I’m doing right now and complain about. Will you be okay with possibly horrific hormonal reactions? Will your husband sacrifice his time and be willing to stab you with needles every day? Will you be okay with having a sore butt for months, unable to even exercise sometimes?? Will you feel guilty if you have a miscarriage? Do you still want to be a surrogate???
Well to me, surrogacy is a great option, you know, in the case that my demon uterus cannot house a baby. But can I actually afford it…welllll I’m not a celebrity, so probably NOT.
The overall costs of surrogacy can range from $80,000 – $100,000. HOLY SATAN’S BUTTHOLE WHAT THE FUCK. These costs involve doing an IVF cycle (of course), plus fees to the reproductive law attorney, psychological counseling, medical expenses, transportation allowance, lost wages, child care, and other legal and medical costs…even money to cover the surrogate’s maternity clothes and shit. You’re even supposed to pay for housekeeping if your surrogate is confined to a bed as a result of the pregnancy. Umm okay no. I’m sorry but I can’t afford to pay for all of that…as I have my own life to support.
I looked up the financial information for surrogacy in Hawaii:
Surrogate compensation: $25,000
Monthly allowance for mileage, prenatal vitamins, communications: $100/month
Multiples fee: $3000
Invasive medical procedures (like amniocentesis): $500
Embryo transfer fee: $500
Medical screening of surrogate and spouse: $1500-$3000
Psychological screening of surrogate: included in agency fee
IVF procedure: $6000
Attorney fees and court filing fees to establish parentage: $5000
Term life insurance policy of $250,000 for surrogate: $435
Maternity clothing allowance: $500-$750
Escrow Account Management services: $750
Lost wages and childcare in the event of bed rest: hourly rate
Maternity Care Insurance plans: $250/month
Agency fees: $14,000
What the fuck you need escrow for??????!
So uhh maybe not. Even if I minus out the surrogacy compensation and agency fees. I will, uhh…pay for your doctor visits but only if you have really good insurance like HMO or the HMSA 90/10 plan.
Yeeeeaaah. I’m just done after this.
Anyway, onto more realistic things. I started an Instagram account for my blog! Feel free to follow me @ivfisabitch
As I am a newcomer to the IVF social media world, I’ve noticed that everyone uses pineapples as a symbol for infertility. Is that a thing??? Are pineapples the symbol for infertility? I heard pomegranates are a Chinese symbol for fertility….do we have the wrong fruit maybe?? Also seriously, people talk in a different language when it comes to their IVF processes. BFP, Beta, PIO, 7DP3DT. Like wtf is this Star Wars C-3PO language?!
Well I guess I have to get me some pineapple attire….since I’ve “officially” joined the online infertility world.
But you know what…does all this even matter anyway? We’re all going to die soon.
We’re going to get nuclear bombed by North Korea…so why do I even bother? Seriously guys, the state of Hawaii has come out with nuclear bomb emergency preparation…which consists of: You have 15 minutes to get to a safe location which is no where so you’re pretty much DEAD. GOODBYE.
Good times. WHY IS TRUMP STILL OUR PRESIDENT FOR FUCK’S SAKE.