Christmas is usually my favorite time of the year. I love holidays and family gatherings and of course, getting presents. But not this year. This year was fucking shitty. Like the, don’t talk to me, don’t touch me type of shitty. I was miserable the entire time.
My uterus had murdered two more babies and I was literally, dead inside. With two floating dead embryo babies being flushed out on Christmas day.
As I said in my previous post, meeting with the doctor did not help at all.
I was pissed off, confused, and just over the fucking bullshit.
I tried to be okay…forced myself to appear “normal” because this was the holiday season. But I wasn’t okay. Not in the least.
I thought I was downward spiraling into depression…as I couldn’t feel happiness anymore. I felt as if a heavy presence was pushing down on my body.
This was the worst Christmas I ever had.
But now it’s the new year. As as all the new year bullshit goes…it’s time to move forward and look towards a better future. One that possibly will be childless. And we are in the process of coming to terms with that.
I continue to research voodoo methods of getting pregnant, using essential oils and touching ancient rocks and all that…but the underlying thought about trying to get pregnant is…
It’s all bullshit.
I’ve drunk pomegranate juice and herbal tea, eaten pineapple, wore crystal beads, purchased golden fertility charms, placed rice under my bed, gotten blessed, did acupuncture, and suffered from resonant healing. Other than sacrifice the blood of a baby unicorn underneath a full blue moon, I don’t know what else to do.
As of right now, I will be doing nothing. We’re just going to try and enjoy being a family of three (including our fur-daughter Sophie) and get on with our lives. The end.