On the fence…

I haven’t posted in a long time…but there really isn’t much to say.  We’ve been taking a break from the whole baby making shiz since our last fail in December.  Honestly, it’s been nice not having to deal with it.  No shots in the ass, no shoving pills down my throat…or in my vagina, no painful invasive devices that force open my cervix.  You can imagine that my vagina and body are truly loving this break.


The weird thing is though…the longer we stay on this break, the more my husband and I don’t want children.

I know having children is like, the best thing ever if you’re a parent, but man, you have to give up quite a lot for them.  Your life completely 180’s and has to revolve around your kids’ schedule.  Your time becomes THEIR time.  Do I want to wake up at 5:00 AM every morning?

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Fuck no.  Do I want to pay out my asshole for school tuition?  Umm, nope.  Do I want to drive my child every weekend to soccer/dance/baseball/basketball/karate/hula practice??  No thanks.  So yes…we may be giving up sooner than anticipated.

And I know everyone says that once you stop trying, that’s when you’ll get pregnant.  But we’ve stopped trying for seven months…and N.O.T.H.I.N.G.  So don’t tell me that shit anymore.  You can only force nature so much.  If it’s not meant to be…then it’s not and we can finally move on.

I do have another three eggs in the freezer, but we both feel that the likelihood that a third IVF transfer works is slim to none.  So why even try?  Do we really want to throw another $5000 in the trash?  No.

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My husband has already decided that he doesn’t want to try anymore…but I’m still hanging by a thread.  I don’t really want to waste any more time and money and my EMOTIONAL SANITY, but yet I don’t want to dump three potentially good eggs either.  And since we don’t want to keep paying to have my eggs frozen, we have this year to decide whether to try one last time, or just quit now.  And maybe get another dog instead.  Because you know FOR A FACT that it’s happening if we don’t end up having kids.  Siberian husky here I come.

And let’s be real here…I’m not even a kid person.  I’m a lot more inclined to adopt five kittens and three dogs and live my life managing their instagram pages.  Right?

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2 thoughts on “On the fence…

  1. Hey did your doctor talk to you about an endometrial receptivity analysis? In 25% of recurrent implantation failure patients the normal day of transfer is 1 day too early. It’s a biopsy similar to a transfer. Igenomix is the company that do the test. If you do the test and it shows you are one of those people maybe it would help you know how you feel about another try.


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