WTF

After you have a failed IVF, you do a follow-up appointment with your doctor.  There’s a reason why the IVF world calls this appointment, The WTF Appointment.  First of all, you’re feeling like, what the fuck, why didn’t it work?  We did every fucking thing right, we paid all that fucking money….aaaaand we got nothing.  And then after the doctor responds and goes over your options, you’re like, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I had my WTF appointment with my doctor this week.  And believe me, I wanted to rip some heads off.  The doctor laid out my three options:

1. Use a surrogate. Okay, so we’re already at this point then??  Fuck me.  Does anyone want to volunteer to be my surrogate for FREE???  Because I can’t afford to pay you.  No takers??  Yeah, okay, no.
2. Do a myomectomy. Which is a somewhat major uterine surgery where they slice open your stomach and uterus to remove uterine fibroids.  You must stay in the hospital for several days and you have a long recovery time.  Not to mention, it may cost $10,000 and you will have abdominal pain for awhile.  I currently have two uterine fibroids, but they are small, 2 centimeters large and they are not in my uterine cavity.  They are kind of half embedded in my uterine wall, and half hanging off the outside.  So my doctor doesn’t THINK it’s causing my infertility, but he can’t rule it out either.  Basically, I could do this surgery, but it might be unnecessary.  Plus, a myomectomy can cause scar tissue in the uterus, which could also interfere with implantation and increase the risk of miscarriage.  Uhhh…
3. Do a two-week, intensive round of antibiotics on my third IVF transfer. During a normal round of IVF, I take about 5 days worth of antibiotics before the transfer day.  With this new protocol, the antibiotics would be more intense and for a longer period of time.  But you might feel sick and nauseous with the stronger antibiotics.  The doctor says around 50% of women have bacteria in their uterus which could inhibit pregnancy…the antibiotics would help counter it.  Okay…if 50% of women have this issue, why wasn’t I given the stronger antibiotics in the first place??!  Why are we only talking about this now, after I’ve done this TWICE?!

At this point, my doctor is just grasping at straws. 

He said it’s unlikely for 3 normal, healthy embryos to have recurrent implantation failure.  Usually, in a healthy, normal person like me, it would have worked.  And he says again, it could be that the embryos just have something wrong with them…even though chromosomally they are good.  Or there’s an issue with the uterus.  Or the universe just wants to fuck me in the asshole once again.

Seriously.  I always feel worse after talking to the doctor.  Yet…he has this way of hanging that fucking carrot in front of your face.  Will it work if I take more antibiotics??  Would it work if I do the surgery??  Who fucking knows anymore.